More Jealousy

I feel so left out.
I hate being in the pit orchestra, because you're part of the group, but in name only. No one pays attention to you, and you know nothing of the lives people lead backstage. I feel so separated from everyone I love so much... Lutherkid, Bass, Thaddeus (of course), Cindy's Mom, Sleeping Beauty, Florinda, everybody. They hardly make note that I exist!! I want to be loved by them! To be accepted and to feel like I belong with them, but I don't. I feel like I have no friends.
Yesterday, I was walking back from my car to see if I could find my mom after rehearsal. And here comes Thaddeus with his arm around Redhead's shoulder and his brother and some of their friends. I just thought to myself, "Ignore them, and they'll ignore you, and that's okay." I looked down at my feet. I was so duck-footed! My flip-flops made my feet look as if they were turned out at 180 degrees!!! I tried to turn my toes inward so I could walk like a normal human being. But I had to keep watching my feet in order for them to stay that way.
Well, as I'm looking down at my feet and playing with my hair (which I had in a side ponytail), I hear Thaddeus say, "Seeya, Hannah."
I heard him the first time, but I still said, "Eh? What?"
And he said, "Seeya, Hannah." Again. His arm was STILL wrapped around the Redhead and he was walking away.
I hate him. He did that just because he saw me staring at my feet and he was afraid I was feeling nervous. That is the only reason he did it. He didn't care about me at all. All he cares about is his girlfriend and all his other friends with "benefits." I'm just a nobody who is wracking on his guilty conscience. I want to hurt him so bad sometimes, then maybe he'll see just a fraction of the pain I'm going through. I don't think he understands... I've tried to make him understand, but he's too dense and too conceited to really look down deep. And apparently the Redhead thinks I hate her (do I?) so she's probably coming up with all these overexaggerations about me just to get me back...
I hate them both. They give me so much pain and I can't stand it anymore!!!
I want to go home! I want my mom!! I want to be seven again when none of this stuff really mattered!!!