Okay, so I have a problem. I am scared of failing. It's not a big problem, but I make it a big problem because I over-analyze and I dramaticize and I jump to too many conclusions. Instead of trying something, I avoid it because I don't want to screw it up. And therefore, I miss plenty of great opportunities I could have had. I've been getting the same advice over and over again: "Relax, Hannah, you'll be fine." "Just don't pay attention to it." "Get over it, Hannah." "Remember, things could be much worse." "Things are only as bad as you make them." I understand that this problem is a problem because I'm MAKING it a problem. It's MY FAULT THAT I FEEL TROUBLED.
I want the world to know that I appreciate your concern and advice, and I'm sorry I'm not following it right away. I'm getting better though, I think. At least now fear is not gripping my mind 24/7. And I'm learning to face the possiblilty of failure.
For example, I'm going to all-state next week. I fear that I have leaned the wrong vocal part. But you know what? I'm going to in, sing the part I DID study, and see what happens. Worst case scenario: I go home. But hey, at least I get that 400 dollars back!! (that's probably not what's going to happen anyway.)
Another example... I hate guitar hero/rock band. I never thought I was good at it, particularly because whenever I play it I'm surrounded by people who are amazing at it. But yesterday I sat down and played it -- just tried it with an open mind, for once -- and I actually moved up a level. Yay for me!!!!
A final example. My license test. I went in shaking with fear. What if I failed? I had procrastinated taking it for a very long time because I felt like I didn't know enough to take it. But then, as I got on the road, I realized I knew more than I thought. And I passed. No big deal, right?
But I'm not perfect, and my maturity level is still rather low. So if ever I hype up about something that really doesn't matter in the long run, bear with me. I'm a growing, changing individual with her own bridges to cross.
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