I love the way I keep no secrets from you
Like a fountain, I poured out my heart
And I told you how scared and how unprepared
For you, my dear love, to depart.
With one hand, still firmly gripping the wheel,
The other grasped my shoulder tight.
And you told me (again) not to worry, and then
You told me that I was all right.
Then you said it's important to make and keep friends
Because without friends, you're nothing at all.
And you said, when I told you I could not approach you
You said I could give you a call.
Yes, I am in love with you.
And I can now explain why.
It's because of your pure integrity
And the humor you have in your eyes.
It's the way you give me a long ride home
And talk about winter and stars
It's the way that you smile when I ask for a hug
And the way we embraced in your car.
I felt my own forehead upon your warm neck
I felt your heat there on my face.
I felt your hand glide down my back and my side
And your hair, as soft as fine lace.
We stayed there, submerged in that deep, gentle hold
Until finally my arms could break free,
And then you said goodnight as I slid out the door
And you smiled -- am I dreaming? -- at me.
I thanked you for always wiping my tears
And healing the worst of my pains...
but, my love, I can't help but be so, so afraid
That I never will see you again!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
TOP TEN CUTEST CELEBRITY GUYS!!!
The top ten cutest celebrity guys:
Honorable Mentions: Antonio Banderas, Jesse McCartney, Clay Aiken, Shia LaBeouf, David Archuletta, Zach Effron, and a host of others.
10. James McAvoy.
This Scottish Actor is known for his parts in Becoming Jane, The Chronicles of Narnia, and, more recently, Wanted. He's got cute cute eyes, similar to those of Gerard Butler's (maybe it's a scottish thing). My favorite role he played was Tom Lefroy in Becomming Jane.
9. Dominic Cooper.
He's British. Recently in Mama Mia and the Escapist, my personal favorite role he played was Willoughby in PBS's Sense and Sensibility. He's got this unique look about him that makes him oddly pleasant.
8. James and Oliver Phelps.
Better known as Fred and George Weasely (respectively). They actually have brown hair, not ginger, but either way they've got cute faces and a happy-go-lucky attitude. I think James is cuter than Oliver, but not by much.
7. Elijah Wood
Known mostly for his part as Frodo in the Lord of the Rings, the reason why he makes the top ten is his innocent face and his BIG BLUE BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!! Also the first American to make it onto this list....
6. Shaun White
The only athlete to make it on the list. This guy won gold medals for snowboarding at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy. He's got amazing red hair, plus he's young... perhaps only a few years older than me!!!
5. Robert Pattinson
Oh, what a cutie!!! He's playing Edward in the upcoming Twilight movie and he also played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. He has this look about him that makes him go from dangerously sexy to sweet and tender. How he does it, I don't know!!
4. Gerard Way
Cutest musician ever, from the band My Chemical Romance. Known mostly for his somewhat emo look, Gerard is the only person alive who can manage to wear heavy makeup and still look cute. I liked him best with black hair, but he has also experimented with blonde, which does look quite good on him.
3. Johnny Depp
Of course, we need Johnny in here!!! He's had TONS of roles, but his cutest, I must say, has been as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Why? Facial hair, dreadlocks, and a drunken expression, that's why!!! Also has been in Edward Scissorhands, Chocolat, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Sweeney Todd.
2. Gerard Butler
Another Scotsman. My first experience with Gerry was in Phantom of the Opera. But since then he's also been in movies like 300 and P.S. I love you. He's got these eyes, these gorgeous eyes. And his voice is very unique and fitting for his beautiful, muscular build. I love him.
1. Christian Bale
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Of course. He's Welsh. And he's been Batman. How much hotter can you get? He's also been in, as I've said in other posts, Little Women, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Newsies. Any picture of Christian Bale I have seen makes me weak in the knees. I would marry him in a minute!!!
Honorable Mentions: Antonio Banderas, Jesse McCartney, Clay Aiken, Shia LaBeouf, David Archuletta, Zach Effron, and a host of others.
10. James McAvoy.
This Scottish Actor is known for his parts in Becoming Jane, The Chronicles of Narnia, and, more recently, Wanted. He's got cute cute eyes, similar to those of Gerard Butler's (maybe it's a scottish thing). My favorite role he played was Tom Lefroy in Becomming Jane.
9. Dominic Cooper.
He's British. Recently in Mama Mia and the Escapist, my personal favorite role he played was Willoughby in PBS's Sense and Sensibility. He's got this unique look about him that makes him oddly pleasant.
8. James and Oliver Phelps.
Better known as Fred and George Weasely (respectively). They actually have brown hair, not ginger, but either way they've got cute faces and a happy-go-lucky attitude. I think James is cuter than Oliver, but not by much.
7. Elijah Wood
Known mostly for his part as Frodo in the Lord of the Rings, the reason why he makes the top ten is his innocent face and his BIG BLUE BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!! Also the first American to make it onto this list....
6. Shaun White
The only athlete to make it on the list. This guy won gold medals for snowboarding at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy. He's got amazing red hair, plus he's young... perhaps only a few years older than me!!!
5. Robert Pattinson
Oh, what a cutie!!! He's playing Edward in the upcoming Twilight movie and he also played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. He has this look about him that makes him go from dangerously sexy to sweet and tender. How he does it, I don't know!!
4. Gerard Way
Cutest musician ever, from the band My Chemical Romance. Known mostly for his somewhat emo look, Gerard is the only person alive who can manage to wear heavy makeup and still look cute. I liked him best with black hair, but he has also experimented with blonde, which does look quite good on him.
3. Johnny Depp
Of course, we need Johnny in here!!! He's had TONS of roles, but his cutest, I must say, has been as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Why? Facial hair, dreadlocks, and a drunken expression, that's why!!! Also has been in Edward Scissorhands, Chocolat, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Sweeney Todd.
2. Gerard Butler
Another Scotsman. My first experience with Gerry was in Phantom of the Opera. But since then he's also been in movies like 300 and P.S. I love you. He's got these eyes, these gorgeous eyes. And his voice is very unique and fitting for his beautiful, muscular build. I love him.
1. Christian Bale
Of course. He's Welsh. And he's been Batman. How much hotter can you get? He's also been in, as I've said in other posts, Little Women, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Newsies. Any picture of Christian Bale I have seen makes me weak in the knees. I would marry him in a minute!!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Mama Mia!
I saw Mama Mia with my grandparents, sister, and mother yesterday. What a fun movie!!!
It's just so bubbly and fun!!
Inspired by the music from ABBA, this film is about a young girl who is getting married. She never knew her father, but due to her mother's old journal, she finds three possible suspects for fatherhood. She invites all three of them to her wedding, without her mother knowing. This film is more about the mother, Donna, than it is about the girl, I think. It's about her grappling with her feelings and learning how to let go of her child.
The main point of this movie, I think, is to make the audience have a good time while watching the characters have a good time. Donna has these two friends, you see. They're old ladies, but they act like kids!! It's so much fun to watch them sing and dance and jump and laugh and play!!! The whole movie is like this!!
Some actors of note in this movie:
Meryl Streep: What an excellent singer!!!! I hardly recognized her in this one because she sounded so good!!
Colin Firth: Of course, you've got the classic hot british actor.
Dominic Cooper: British actor who played Willoughby in Sense and Sensibility... man, is he HOT!!!!!!!!!!
My favorite song in that movie is probably Dancing Queen because all the girls on this greek island run around and smile and jump into the lake and have a blast!!!!! I so wish that was real life!!
I also like: the winner takes it all, money money money, mama mia (of course), lay all your love on me, and our last summer. Heck, they're all good!!!
Yep, it's a great movie to see to lift your spirits!!!!!
Monday, July 28, 2008
The End is at Hand
Okay, guess what.
Urinetown is over.
That means I have to make a real effort in order to see my college friends again before they leave. I'm so afraid to call Thaddeus or Luther Kid or Wench to hang out. But I'm going to have to in order to see them again.
It's coming. The end. They are leaving soon. And soon I'll have to live by myself for a little while. Live without them. I can do it. I know I can do it. I just don't want to.
Some lyrics I really like right now:
She can’t see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks bye
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
Yeah, mmm
There’s a fire inside of you
That can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything we could be
And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
Like shadows in a faded light
Oh, were invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes
And make you realize
I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you, let me want you
You just see right throught me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisbe
She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile...
Urinetown is over.
That means I have to make a real effort in order to see my college friends again before they leave. I'm so afraid to call Thaddeus or Luther Kid or Wench to hang out. But I'm going to have to in order to see them again.
It's coming. The end. They are leaving soon. And soon I'll have to live by myself for a little while. Live without them. I can do it. I know I can do it. I just don't want to.
Some lyrics I really like right now:
She can’t see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks bye
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
Yeah, mmm
There’s a fire inside of you
That can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything we could be
And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible
Like shadows in a faded light
Oh, were invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes
And make you realize
I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you, let me want you
You just see right throught me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisbe
She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
About Rap Music
On facebook, one of my friends wrote about how he had read something about rap music in the newspaper. According to him, the author of the article seemed to blame the rap/R&B genre for urban violence that is plaguing the world today. He went on to disagree with the article, saying that Rap music is not meant to cause violence, crime, or fornication, but to express views of dissatisfaction of society and authority. He thought people didn't understand what rap really was. This was my response to his argument.
I love all music. Rap is catchy to me, and I feel really cool when I actually know the words to a whole rap song :)
But I also would like to say that while the MUSIC and even the LYRICS themselves can and should be appreciated and respected, the IMAGE that comes with rap music is, in my opinion, degrading and disrespectful to higher art. Generally, rap music THESE DAYS glorifies things that I believe the world is better off without. If not through the lyrics, it's through the videos and press releases and things of that nature. True, rap began as an emotional outlet -- a way to express feelings of distress in a cold, creul world. But instead of UPLIFTING and IMPROVING the world they lived in, rap seemed to BRING DOWN THE STANDARD OF RIGHT AND WRONG, and, therefore, INCREASE the amount of urban angst seen in the world today.
While I don't think it is the root cause of urban violence, I do believe that oftentimes small things -- like a lyric or song -- can lead to much bigger things. A person doesn't usually just listen to Snoop Dogg and decide to go shoot someone. Maybe that person began LISTENING to Snoop Dogg, then start DRESSING like Snoop Dogg. His appearance and behaviors could then attract FRIENDS who like Snoop Dogg, and some of those friends might pull him down to a new, violent, terrible world -- a world from which a person cannot leave easily. It's a chain reaction with disastrous consequences. I wish to respond, Janna, to the comment you made about evidence. This is a kind of thing that is much more complicated than just cut-and-paste proof. I don't think any cold-blooded killer would ever come out in public and say, "It was rap that made me do it." It's a mindset. It's psychology. And it's different for each individual. However, like many other social issues, some generalizations can and will be made. Rather than trying to combat INDIVIDUAL instances of violence and crime in urban society, we should try to stop it AS A WHOLE by regulating amounts of sexual and violent content on the TV, radio, and internet. Clothing standards can be raised, as well as language and other behavioral standards. This is not combatting urban culture, this is combatting urban crime, violence, and the general negative urban environment. Rap should not be eliminated, but rather, knowledge should be increased. People should be free to make a statement, but people should also be free to argue statements they know are wrong, and the only way people can do that is if they know what is right.
It seems as if I have digressed a bit, and for that I apologize. I wish to reiterate that I DO enjoy listening to rap music, and I DO NOT think it is the center of all the problems. It's people themselves, who follow blindly the ways of the world without a knowledge of something better, that is the real source of the problem.
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets COLDER,
Most of us only care about money makin'
SELFISHNESS got us followin' our wrong direction
WRONG INFORMATION ALWAYS SHOWN BY THE MEDIA
NEGATIVE IMAGES is the main criteria
Infecting the YOUNG MINDS faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the CINEMA
Yo', whatever happened to the VALUES OF HUMANITY
Whatever happened to the FAIRNESS IN EQUALITY
Instead of spreading LOVE we're spreading
ANIMOSITYLACK OF UNDERSTANDING, leading lives away from UNITY
-- "where is the love?'' by the Black Eyed Peas(who, by the way, are a group of more famous RAP artists)
I love all music. Rap is catchy to me, and I feel really cool when I actually know the words to a whole rap song :)
But I also would like to say that while the MUSIC and even the LYRICS themselves can and should be appreciated and respected, the IMAGE that comes with rap music is, in my opinion, degrading and disrespectful to higher art. Generally, rap music THESE DAYS glorifies things that I believe the world is better off without. If not through the lyrics, it's through the videos and press releases and things of that nature. True, rap began as an emotional outlet -- a way to express feelings of distress in a cold, creul world. But instead of UPLIFTING and IMPROVING the world they lived in, rap seemed to BRING DOWN THE STANDARD OF RIGHT AND WRONG, and, therefore, INCREASE the amount of urban angst seen in the world today.
While I don't think it is the root cause of urban violence, I do believe that oftentimes small things -- like a lyric or song -- can lead to much bigger things. A person doesn't usually just listen to Snoop Dogg and decide to go shoot someone. Maybe that person began LISTENING to Snoop Dogg, then start DRESSING like Snoop Dogg. His appearance and behaviors could then attract FRIENDS who like Snoop Dogg, and some of those friends might pull him down to a new, violent, terrible world -- a world from which a person cannot leave easily. It's a chain reaction with disastrous consequences. I wish to respond, Janna, to the comment you made about evidence. This is a kind of thing that is much more complicated than just cut-and-paste proof. I don't think any cold-blooded killer would ever come out in public and say, "It was rap that made me do it." It's a mindset. It's psychology. And it's different for each individual. However, like many other social issues, some generalizations can and will be made. Rather than trying to combat INDIVIDUAL instances of violence and crime in urban society, we should try to stop it AS A WHOLE by regulating amounts of sexual and violent content on the TV, radio, and internet. Clothing standards can be raised, as well as language and other behavioral standards. This is not combatting urban culture, this is combatting urban crime, violence, and the general negative urban environment. Rap should not be eliminated, but rather, knowledge should be increased. People should be free to make a statement, but people should also be free to argue statements they know are wrong, and the only way people can do that is if they know what is right.
It seems as if I have digressed a bit, and for that I apologize. I wish to reiterate that I DO enjoy listening to rap music, and I DO NOT think it is the center of all the problems. It's people themselves, who follow blindly the ways of the world without a knowledge of something better, that is the real source of the problem.
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets COLDER,
Most of us only care about money makin'
SELFISHNESS got us followin' our wrong direction
WRONG INFORMATION ALWAYS SHOWN BY THE MEDIA
NEGATIVE IMAGES is the main criteria
Infecting the YOUNG MINDS faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the CINEMA
Yo', whatever happened to the VALUES OF HUMANITY
Whatever happened to the FAIRNESS IN EQUALITY
Instead of spreading LOVE we're spreading
ANIMOSITYLACK OF UNDERSTANDING, leading lives away from UNITY
-- "where is the love?'' by the Black Eyed Peas(who, by the way, are a group of more famous RAP artists)
Friday, July 25, 2008
Girls Camp
I don't want to go into detail about everything I did while I was at Girls' Camp this week, but I would like you all to know that I have never experienced Zion like I did the final night I was there.
Zion is a word we use to describe the perfect place. A place where everyone is of one heart and one mind. Where everyone dwells in righteousness, and where there is no poor among the people. By poor, we mean spiritually poor. Those who do not feel the love and light of Christ in their lives.
For nearly the entirety of camp, I felt a little spiritually poor. I felt like none of the girls liked me because I complained and was negative and wasn't funny or exciting or nice or anything. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make anyone around me feel good about themselves. I wanted to be this person who was always positive and always happy and always optimistic, but I always seemed to be complaining or arguing or stressing. I felt like the girls were noticing my terrible behavior, and that I was ruining camp for everyone. I felt guilty and frustrated. Satan's way of getting to me is through my own guilt. He makes me feel insignificant. I couldn't help people, I only hurt them. That was Satan's message to me. And the other girls felt it, too. I was not the only one who was spiritually poor, I think. I think we all were having trouble feeling the spirit amidst the teenage drama, the spiders, and the extreme heat and lack of sleep. I don't think any of us were getting enough out of the camp experience.
All those feelings changed the night we bore our testimonies. I bore mine somewhere in the middle. I told them about how I was going through a rough time. A time of change, separation, and new challenges. I told them how I felt poor and that the good light of Christ was leaving me. But as I bore my testimony, there was this witness in my heart that all I had learned at that camp was true. Christ was not only alive and breathing, but he loved ME. And I could change people. I wasn't insignificant. Yes, I was imperfect, but I was also so important. And God was pleased with what I had done. I looked around at those girls, and I could see in their eyes that they all felt the Spirit testify to them that Christ was our Savior.
Do you remember Mrs. Duct Tape? Well, she came to camp. At first when I found out she was going, I thought, "Oh, GREAT!! ANOTHER thing to worry about!!" And I went thorughout camp with that attitude. I was angry with her for things she probably could not help at this point in her life. And I held grudges against her old actions that mean nothing now. I felt the same way at the start of testimony meeting. But as I sat down after bearing my testimony, she was the first person to give me a huge hug. "I love you so much, you have no idea," she whispered. Later she told me that she was so jealous of how well I understood and followed the gospel. How I was such a good example. She huged me and touched me and kissed my hand. As I watched her smile at me, I suddenly saw a truly amazing thing. I saw her in white. I saw her in heaven, smiling, in the presence of her Heavenly Father. I realized that she, despite her faults, was a daughter of God. She loved him, and he loves her. Why did I hate her so when it was God that created her?
I felt Zion. I felt like everyone was of one heart and one mind. For the rest of that night, as well as the next day, everyone seemed to just be filled with love for one another. There was no complaining, no fighting, and there was peace. A miracle happened that night. A miracle that I hope will last. I love those girls I met and remet out there, and I love the leaders who taught us so well, and most of all I love my Heavenly Father, who gave me such a wonderful experience.
Zion is a word we use to describe the perfect place. A place where everyone is of one heart and one mind. Where everyone dwells in righteousness, and where there is no poor among the people. By poor, we mean spiritually poor. Those who do not feel the love and light of Christ in their lives.
For nearly the entirety of camp, I felt a little spiritually poor. I felt like none of the girls liked me because I complained and was negative and wasn't funny or exciting or nice or anything. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make anyone around me feel good about themselves. I wanted to be this person who was always positive and always happy and always optimistic, but I always seemed to be complaining or arguing or stressing. I felt like the girls were noticing my terrible behavior, and that I was ruining camp for everyone. I felt guilty and frustrated. Satan's way of getting to me is through my own guilt. He makes me feel insignificant. I couldn't help people, I only hurt them. That was Satan's message to me. And the other girls felt it, too. I was not the only one who was spiritually poor, I think. I think we all were having trouble feeling the spirit amidst the teenage drama, the spiders, and the extreme heat and lack of sleep. I don't think any of us were getting enough out of the camp experience.
All those feelings changed the night we bore our testimonies. I bore mine somewhere in the middle. I told them about how I was going through a rough time. A time of change, separation, and new challenges. I told them how I felt poor and that the good light of Christ was leaving me. But as I bore my testimony, there was this witness in my heart that all I had learned at that camp was true. Christ was not only alive and breathing, but he loved ME. And I could change people. I wasn't insignificant. Yes, I was imperfect, but I was also so important. And God was pleased with what I had done. I looked around at those girls, and I could see in their eyes that they all felt the Spirit testify to them that Christ was our Savior.
Do you remember Mrs. Duct Tape? Well, she came to camp. At first when I found out she was going, I thought, "Oh, GREAT!! ANOTHER thing to worry about!!" And I went thorughout camp with that attitude. I was angry with her for things she probably could not help at this point in her life. And I held grudges against her old actions that mean nothing now. I felt the same way at the start of testimony meeting. But as I sat down after bearing my testimony, she was the first person to give me a huge hug. "I love you so much, you have no idea," she whispered. Later she told me that she was so jealous of how well I understood and followed the gospel. How I was such a good example. She huged me and touched me and kissed my hand. As I watched her smile at me, I suddenly saw a truly amazing thing. I saw her in white. I saw her in heaven, smiling, in the presence of her Heavenly Father. I realized that she, despite her faults, was a daughter of God. She loved him, and he loves her. Why did I hate her so when it was God that created her?
I felt Zion. I felt like everyone was of one heart and one mind. For the rest of that night, as well as the next day, everyone seemed to just be filled with love for one another. There was no complaining, no fighting, and there was peace. A miracle happened that night. A miracle that I hope will last. I love those girls I met and remet out there, and I love the leaders who taught us so well, and most of all I love my Heavenly Father, who gave me such a wonderful experience.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I'll Be Gone...
I'll be gone for a week. I've got church camp til Friday.
Until then, happy trails!!
Don't Cry Because It's Over. Laugh Because It Happened.
If there is one thing in this world that I hate above all other things, it's saying goodbye. I've had to do it so many times, and it's so difficult to know that you're not going to see a person in a very very long time... if ever. It started my sophomore summer when my senior friends left. I really had no time to say goodbye and suddenly they were gone. Just like that. Sure, most of them have come back to say hi, but some haven't. And some never knew that I cared enough about them to really ache in their absence. And, oh, do I ache! I look back at the journal entries I had written during my sophomore year and it just pains my stomach to remember all these people that I'll never see again. That feeling is stronger than ever now. Why? Because not only have I seen some of those old friends again, who have come back for the summer, but now I also have new friends who have just graduated last June. All of them are leaving. I don't know when they will leave. I just know they will sometime soon. And I am so afraid I won't get to say goodbye. I'm so afraid I won't get to spend the time with them that I could have spent. Memories I COULD have had. And the knowledge that my existence might totally disappear from their memories makes it even worse. I want to be missed and remembered and loved and appreciated. But will I be? Probably not as much as I will miss them. Things are really changing. And this change MUST happen. We can't go on forever like this, no matter how much I want it to. I cannot stop this progression. So what do I do about it? I mope. I cry. I act depressed. I become a canker amongst my social circle because I'm so busy dwelling on the future and not living in the present. I wonder how many wonderful moments I've missed because I've been too worried about the end. How many memories could I make if I just relaxed and let go and enjoyed the now? And how much happier would those memories be if I knew I enjoyed them to the fullest? I'd like everyone who is reading this to know that when the time comes when our paths separate, I LOVE YOU. And I will MISS you, terribly. Even if we did not know each other well, you leave behind a presence that does not disappear and that can't ever fully be replaced. I have trouble forgetting people I knew in the past -- even people I never knew well -- because I let them become so much of what I am. To those I did know well, there is no end to the grief that I feel at our parting.My heart is full of regret that I didn't say hi to you that one time, or laugh more at that one joke you made, or be at that one party with you. There is so much more I could have done to show you how much you mean in my life, but I missed it. I was a coward. I was a fool. And now I'm paying for it. I apologize, particularly to those in theater, to whom this note pertains the most, that I have been such a pessimist these last few weeks. It's so hard to look upon the faces of my graduated friends and not see that soon, they will all be gone. But from now on, I shall try my absolute hardest to cherish and live up these last few weeks God has given me with them so I will have less to regret when they have gone. I want to be able to look back and remember those bonds of friendship and love and support. I will live so I can remember my life with a smile on my face.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Prepare for a (DARK) random and (KNIGHT) totally useless entry
Okay, so I really really REALLY hate it when people include (DARK KNIGHT) me and talk to me and pay attention to me because they pity me.
That is exactly what Thaddeus (JOKER) is doing right now and I can't stand it.
Anyway...
I am still on a Dark Knight High. So excuse me (BATMAN) if I randomly throw out random words. It's like typing (CHRISTIAN BALE IS A HOTTY BEAST!!) hiccups.
Tonight for our Urinetown (WHY SO SERIOUS?) performance, the audience was pretty much DEAD AS A DOORNAIL!! They didn't laugh at ANY of the jokes, and they didn't even applaud after "don't be the bunny," which is my favorite (I BELIEVE IN HARVEY DENT!) song of the show!!
Oh, (HEATH LEDGER!) and by the way. The talking frog's (DARK KNIGHT!) name is now changed to Mr. Bendy Flex.
And since I'm bored at this moment, I'll tell you why.
So today before the show, I was standing in a hallway with (BATMAN!) the former Talking Frog, and just out of habit, I reached down (GOTHEM) and tried to touch my toes without bending my knees. I am not (BATMAN IS AMAZING!) flexible at all, so of course I can't reach them. The former Talking Frog leans over to me and says, "Hey, I can do that!" and then (BATMOBILE!) he reaches down and touches his toes effortlessly. I try and try, but I just can't (I LOVE CHRISTIAN BALE!) do it. Then, being the silly show-off he is, he says to me, (YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I GOT THESE SCARS?!) "I can put my ankle behind my head!"
I reply sarcastically, "Well, good for you Mr..... Mr.... BENDY FLEX!!"
And ever since then, that (WHAT AN AMAZING MOVIE!) has been his name.
And so concludes (BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!) another totally useless entry.
Oh, and I almost forgot... you gotta have some (BATMAN!) batman, right?
That is exactly what Thaddeus (JOKER) is doing right now and I can't stand it.
Anyway...
I am still on a Dark Knight High. So excuse me (BATMAN) if I randomly throw out random words. It's like typing (CHRISTIAN BALE IS A HOTTY BEAST!!) hiccups.
Tonight for our Urinetown (WHY SO SERIOUS?) performance, the audience was pretty much DEAD AS A DOORNAIL!! They didn't laugh at ANY of the jokes, and they didn't even applaud after "don't be the bunny," which is my favorite (I BELIEVE IN HARVEY DENT!) song of the show!!
Oh, (HEATH LEDGER!) and by the way. The talking frog's (DARK KNIGHT!) name is now changed to Mr. Bendy Flex.
And since I'm bored at this moment, I'll tell you why.
So today before the show, I was standing in a hallway with (BATMAN!) the former Talking Frog, and just out of habit, I reached down (GOTHEM) and tried to touch my toes without bending my knees. I am not (BATMAN IS AMAZING!) flexible at all, so of course I can't reach them. The former Talking Frog leans over to me and says, "Hey, I can do that!" and then (BATMOBILE!) he reaches down and touches his toes effortlessly. I try and try, but I just can't (I LOVE CHRISTIAN BALE!) do it. Then, being the silly show-off he is, he says to me, (YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I GOT THESE SCARS?!) "I can put my ankle behind my head!"
I reply sarcastically, "Well, good for you Mr..... Mr.... BENDY FLEX!!"
And ever since then, that (WHAT AN AMAZING MOVIE!) has been his name.
And so concludes (BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!) another totally useless entry.
Oh, and I almost forgot... you gotta have some (BATMAN!) batman, right?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Dark Knight
Need I explain what happened last night?
New favorite movie. New favorite movie. It was KILLER AWESOME! It left me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I absoluely LOVED BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT!!!
Reasons:
1. The plot. It was really spooky. And it got spookier. The joker's terrorist tactics were quite creepy. He is a crazy guy. And the fact that they added in Two-Face as well made it pretty amazing. I can't give too much away here, but if you see it, you'll know what I mean.
2. CHRISTIAN BALE!!! THE HOTTEST ACTOR IN THE UNIVERSE!!
He is drop-dead SEXY in this movie. I was swooning at every close up shot of him!! GAAA!! I WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!
3. Holy cow. Heath Ledger is (or was) amazing as the joker. he had this clicky-tongue thing that really got to me.
"You complete me."
"Why so serious?"
"Here's my card."
"Wrong choice of words."
"I want my phone call."
He's creepy.
4. Two-face's face was fantastic.
5. The love triangle between Harvey Dent, Rachel, and Bruce was something I felt I related to.
6. TONS OF EXPLOSIONS!! LOTS OF LOUD NOISES!!
7. There was humor mixed in with deathly scary.
8. You feel like the movie is done... but it's only the beginning!!
9. The music was written by... of course... HANS ZIMMER!!!
10. It's BATMAN! How could it NOT be good!?
New favorite movie. New favorite movie. It was KILLER AWESOME! It left me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I absoluely LOVED BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT!!!
Reasons:
1. The plot. It was really spooky. And it got spookier. The joker's terrorist tactics were quite creepy. He is a crazy guy. And the fact that they added in Two-Face as well made it pretty amazing. I can't give too much away here, but if you see it, you'll know what I mean.
2. CHRISTIAN BALE!!! THE HOTTEST ACTOR IN THE UNIVERSE!!
He is drop-dead SEXY in this movie. I was swooning at every close up shot of him!! GAAA!! I WANT TO MARRY HIM!!!
3. Holy cow. Heath Ledger is (or was) amazing as the joker. he had this clicky-tongue thing that really got to me.
"You complete me."
"Why so serious?"
"Here's my card."
"Wrong choice of words."
"I want my phone call."
He's creepy.
4. Two-face's face was fantastic.
5. The love triangle between Harvey Dent, Rachel, and Bruce was something I felt I related to.
6. TONS OF EXPLOSIONS!! LOTS OF LOUD NOISES!!
7. There was humor mixed in with deathly scary.
8. You feel like the movie is done... but it's only the beginning!!
9. The music was written by... of course... HANS ZIMMER!!!
10. It's BATMAN! How could it NOT be good!?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
A More Creative and Depressing Entry
I wrote this in a notebook I carry with me at play. It's not as bad as it says it is, but when you write you oftentimes exaggerate the truth, and I was really caught up at the moment.
Sort of distant... far away... but do I care?
Why should I? I am above all who stand around me. I deserve better than the filth they dish out... Yet I care... So much. I long for their comfort, their friendliness, their acceptance. But oh! How far away I feel! I'm sure none of them notice... one way or the other. They do not notice my existence, therefore they do not notice my feelings. My feelings of abandonment, of shame, of longing. They see nothing. They are blind. And deaf... until I do something stupid. Then they laugh. They laugh at my foolishness, my naivitee, my utter stupidity.
And when my moment of humiliation is done, they go away from me, and I am left alone again. So alone. And I cry. yes, I cry. I cry for thier utter ignorance. Their ignorance of me and their ignorance of what is good for them. And I cry for my sake. I cry because I know how selfish I am. I cry thousands of tears of guilt at my own stupid conceit. I cry, because I shouldn't be crying.
While I am there, I smile, but the smile is plastic, covering what I really feel. Hollow smiles. I don't think anyone has seen a genuine, happy, honest-to-goodness smile on my face. If they have, it's on the rare occasion when I feel wanted and accepted, usually with a close friend. Instead, they see this smile with a HINT -- a shadow -- of sorrow. And if they had any decency at all to notice, they'd see it.
If any of them do see it, they pay no heed. "It's just Helena again. Probably being emo about Thaddeus again." But it's NOT just Thaddeus. in fact, my pain in his rejection may decrease tenfold if I knew there were others who cared for me. Others I admire and emulate and rspect and idolize. Thaddeus is only one of a great list of people.
I would just like a moment to know I was worth someone's time.
I sound so spoiled, selfish, conceited, and self-pititful. It was wrong of me to write this.
Sort of distant... far away... but do I care?
Why should I? I am above all who stand around me. I deserve better than the filth they dish out... Yet I care... So much. I long for their comfort, their friendliness, their acceptance. But oh! How far away I feel! I'm sure none of them notice... one way or the other. They do not notice my existence, therefore they do not notice my feelings. My feelings of abandonment, of shame, of longing. They see nothing. They are blind. And deaf... until I do something stupid. Then they laugh. They laugh at my foolishness, my naivitee, my utter stupidity.
And when my moment of humiliation is done, they go away from me, and I am left alone again. So alone. And I cry. yes, I cry. I cry for thier utter ignorance. Their ignorance of me and their ignorance of what is good for them. And I cry for my sake. I cry because I know how selfish I am. I cry thousands of tears of guilt at my own stupid conceit. I cry, because I shouldn't be crying.
While I am there, I smile, but the smile is plastic, covering what I really feel. Hollow smiles. I don't think anyone has seen a genuine, happy, honest-to-goodness smile on my face. If they have, it's on the rare occasion when I feel wanted and accepted, usually with a close friend. Instead, they see this smile with a HINT -- a shadow -- of sorrow. And if they had any decency at all to notice, they'd see it.
If any of them do see it, they pay no heed. "It's just Helena again. Probably being emo about Thaddeus again." But it's NOT just Thaddeus. in fact, my pain in his rejection may decrease tenfold if I knew there were others who cared for me. Others I admire and emulate and rspect and idolize. Thaddeus is only one of a great list of people.
I would just like a moment to know I was worth someone's time.
I sound so spoiled, selfish, conceited, and self-pititful. It was wrong of me to write this.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
More Jealousy
I feel so left out.
I hate being in the pit orchestra, because you're part of the group, but in name only. No one pays attention to you, and you know nothing of the lives people lead backstage. I feel so separated from everyone I love so much... Lutherkid, Bass, Thaddeus (of course), Cindy's Mom, Sleeping Beauty, Florinda, everybody. They hardly make note that I exist!! I want to be loved by them! To be accepted and to feel like I belong with them, but I don't. I feel like I have no friends.
Yesterday, I was walking back from my car to see if I could find my mom after rehearsal. And here comes Thaddeus with his arm around Redhead's shoulder and his brother and some of their friends. I just thought to myself, "Ignore them, and they'll ignore you, and that's okay." I looked down at my feet. I was so duck-footed! My flip-flops made my feet look as if they were turned out at 180 degrees!!! I tried to turn my toes inward so I could walk like a normal human being. But I had to keep watching my feet in order for them to stay that way.
Well, as I'm looking down at my feet and playing with my hair (which I had in a side ponytail), I hear Thaddeus say, "Seeya, Hannah."
I heard him the first time, but I still said, "Eh? What?"
And he said, "Seeya, Hannah." Again. His arm was STILL wrapped around the Redhead and he was walking away.
I hate him. He did that just because he saw me staring at my feet and he was afraid I was feeling nervous. That is the only reason he did it. He didn't care about me at all. All he cares about is his girlfriend and all his other friends with "benefits." I'm just a nobody who is wracking on his guilty conscience. I want to hurt him so bad sometimes, then maybe he'll see just a fraction of the pain I'm going through. I don't think he understands... I've tried to make him understand, but he's too dense and too conceited to really look down deep. And apparently the Redhead thinks I hate her (do I?) so she's probably coming up with all these overexaggerations about me just to get me back...
I hate them both. They give me so much pain and I can't stand it anymore!!!
I want to go home! I want my mom!! I want to be seven again when none of this stuff really mattered!!!
I hate being in the pit orchestra, because you're part of the group, but in name only. No one pays attention to you, and you know nothing of the lives people lead backstage. I feel so separated from everyone I love so much... Lutherkid, Bass, Thaddeus (of course), Cindy's Mom, Sleeping Beauty, Florinda, everybody. They hardly make note that I exist!! I want to be loved by them! To be accepted and to feel like I belong with them, but I don't. I feel like I have no friends.
Yesterday, I was walking back from my car to see if I could find my mom after rehearsal. And here comes Thaddeus with his arm around Redhead's shoulder and his brother and some of their friends. I just thought to myself, "Ignore them, and they'll ignore you, and that's okay." I looked down at my feet. I was so duck-footed! My flip-flops made my feet look as if they were turned out at 180 degrees!!! I tried to turn my toes inward so I could walk like a normal human being. But I had to keep watching my feet in order for them to stay that way.
Well, as I'm looking down at my feet and playing with my hair (which I had in a side ponytail), I hear Thaddeus say, "Seeya, Hannah."
I heard him the first time, but I still said, "Eh? What?"
And he said, "Seeya, Hannah." Again. His arm was STILL wrapped around the Redhead and he was walking away.
I hate him. He did that just because he saw me staring at my feet and he was afraid I was feeling nervous. That is the only reason he did it. He didn't care about me at all. All he cares about is his girlfriend and all his other friends with "benefits." I'm just a nobody who is wracking on his guilty conscience. I want to hurt him so bad sometimes, then maybe he'll see just a fraction of the pain I'm going through. I don't think he understands... I've tried to make him understand, but he's too dense and too conceited to really look down deep. And apparently the Redhead thinks I hate her (do I?) so she's probably coming up with all these overexaggerations about me just to get me back...
I hate them both. They give me so much pain and I can't stand it anymore!!!
I want to go home! I want my mom!! I want to be seven again when none of this stuff really mattered!!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Jealousy
People say jealousy is green,
That it's a monster that dwells in you soul, remaining unseen.
I believe jealousy is red,
Like the fervently beating heart that's gone to my head.
People say sadness is blue.
That's not true.
Sadness ain't blue like the clothes that he wears.
It's red, the color of her hair.
I dream at night of the way he held my frame.
With those killer eyes, he lit a crimson flame.
And it burns inside
As she meets his gaze...
And on his cheeks, red blushes through his face.
People say fear is black,
That it's a monster that lurks in the shadows behind your unturned back.
Fear is the color so much more abrupt.
Red is the color of the fear of giving up.
I'm seeing red as their lips gently meet.
And I feel dead as I feel betrayals hellish heat.
It runs through my veins
As I see them there...
Red is the heart in my head and there it remains, like the color of her hair.
People say jealousy is green.
Not for me.
Jealousy is the love we never shared,
And it's red, the color of her hair.
That it's a monster that dwells in you soul, remaining unseen.
I believe jealousy is red,
Like the fervently beating heart that's gone to my head.
People say sadness is blue.
That's not true.
Sadness ain't blue like the clothes that he wears.
It's red, the color of her hair.
I dream at night of the way he held my frame.
With those killer eyes, he lit a crimson flame.
And it burns inside
As she meets his gaze...
And on his cheeks, red blushes through his face.
People say fear is black,
That it's a monster that lurks in the shadows behind your unturned back.
Fear is the color so much more abrupt.
Red is the color of the fear of giving up.
I'm seeing red as their lips gently meet.
And I feel dead as I feel betrayals hellish heat.
It runs through my veins
As I see them there...
Red is the heart in my head and there it remains, like the color of her hair.
People say jealousy is green.
Not for me.
Jealousy is the love we never shared,
And it's red, the color of her hair.
Monday, July 14, 2008
MONK!
My favorite TV Show is Monk, and we just got season 6 for my mom's birthday, and SNOOP DOGG IS IN IT!!! How COOL is that?!
Other recent guest stars: Alice Cooper, Korn, Sean Astin, Stanley Tucci.
It's the coolest show ever.
Quotable Monk Quotes:
"Here's the thing..."
"Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not..."
"Here's what happened."
"WIPE!"
"It's a gift... and a curse."
Oh, and if you have anything you wish for me to talk about, please tell me because some days I really have nothing to say (today being one of them.)
That is all.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Project
Some big projects I'd like to start working on more often:
1. DOCUMENTATION!!! After I've finished my prom album, there's so much other stuff I'd like to get made into books. I have this GIANT file box upstairs in my room, and there's so much junk in it that I want to save: Letters, notes, tickets, pamphlets, programs, excess memorobilia, random pictures, stuff like that. I want to save it, but right now it's just piling up in that box and I never look at them and it's just messy. These are things I wish to save, but right now it's so cumbersome. If only I could make memorybooks, scrapbooks, journals, etc. out of all that crap, and then life would be wonderful!!!
2. Work on my rendition of Queen's "Somebody to Love" for an a capella group before coffee house performances next year. So far I've gotten to the first verse, which I guess is okay, but I haven't worked on it in a while and it's just sitting there taped to my wall gathering dust.
3. Write some of my own songs about stuff happening now so that it still means something when the songs get done. Write songs I can use for composition scholarships.
4. Write an autobiography (to go along with all the scrapbooks.)
5. Write short essays about songs I own on a word document. Then publish them and have people discuss the themes, etc. of the songs. I like discussion circles and blogging.
6. Make my own clothes and jewelry for a more eccentric wardrobe.
7. Write a musical.
8. Write a novel.
9. Learn to cook stuff so I won't go hungry in college. compose a recipe book.
10. Read more books.
11. Make money so I can afford to buy things I need for the projects above listed.
Some of these projects are probably impossible at this point in time (ex. writing a musical and novel) but hey, one can dream. I do want to get my life organized before I ship myself off to who-knows-where to gain an eight-year education. (Yes, that's right. Eight years.) I want to be well-read, well-written, and well-organized by then. Hack up some experience and enjoy my youth while it still lasts.
Speaking of youth... I have exactly fifty-seven days before I am an "adult." This is scary. Very scary. Someone help me. Please.
1. DOCUMENTATION!!! After I've finished my prom album, there's so much other stuff I'd like to get made into books. I have this GIANT file box upstairs in my room, and there's so much junk in it that I want to save: Letters, notes, tickets, pamphlets, programs, excess memorobilia, random pictures, stuff like that. I want to save it, but right now it's just piling up in that box and I never look at them and it's just messy. These are things I wish to save, but right now it's so cumbersome. If only I could make memorybooks, scrapbooks, journals, etc. out of all that crap, and then life would be wonderful!!!
2. Work on my rendition of Queen's "Somebody to Love" for an a capella group before coffee house performances next year. So far I've gotten to the first verse, which I guess is okay, but I haven't worked on it in a while and it's just sitting there taped to my wall gathering dust.
3. Write some of my own songs about stuff happening now so that it still means something when the songs get done. Write songs I can use for composition scholarships.
4. Write an autobiography (to go along with all the scrapbooks.)
5. Write short essays about songs I own on a word document. Then publish them and have people discuss the themes, etc. of the songs. I like discussion circles and blogging.
6. Make my own clothes and jewelry for a more eccentric wardrobe.
7. Write a musical.
8. Write a novel.
9. Learn to cook stuff so I won't go hungry in college. compose a recipe book.
10. Read more books.
11. Make money so I can afford to buy things I need for the projects above listed.
Some of these projects are probably impossible at this point in time (ex. writing a musical and novel) but hey, one can dream. I do want to get my life organized before I ship myself off to who-knows-where to gain an eight-year education. (Yes, that's right. Eight years.) I want to be well-read, well-written, and well-organized by then. Hack up some experience and enjoy my youth while it still lasts.
Speaking of youth... I have exactly fifty-seven days before I am an "adult." This is scary. Very scary. Someone help me. Please.
My Favorite Movies
These are not in any particular order... they just come as I think of them...
And this will be changed so if you're interested I'll update...
1. West Side Story
2. Lord of the Rings (all three)
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. The Illusionist
5. Ratatouille
6. The Inspector General
7. Singin' in the Rain
8. Hunchback of Notre Dame
9. Pocahontas
10. Phantom of the Opera
11. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street -- Original Broadway Version
12. Disturbia
13. The Little Mermaid
14. Wall-E
15. Enchanted
16. The First Three Indiana Jones Movies
17. Batman Begins
18. A Midsummer Night's Dream
19. Much Ado About Nothing
20. Pirates of the Caribbean (all three)
21. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
22. Young Frankenstein
23. Cats: The Original Broadway Version
24. Get Smart
25. Edward Scissorhands
26. Princess Bride
27. More to come...
And this will be changed so if you're interested I'll update...
1. West Side Story
2. Lord of the Rings (all three)
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. The Illusionist
5. Ratatouille
6. The Inspector General
7. Singin' in the Rain
8. Hunchback of Notre Dame
9. Pocahontas
10. Phantom of the Opera
11. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street -- Original Broadway Version
12. Disturbia
13. The Little Mermaid
14. Wall-E
15. Enchanted
16. The First Three Indiana Jones Movies
17. Batman Begins
18. A Midsummer Night's Dream
19. Much Ado About Nothing
20. Pirates of the Caribbean (all three)
21. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
22. Young Frankenstein
23. Cats: The Original Broadway Version
24. Get Smart
25. Edward Scissorhands
26. Princess Bride
27. More to come...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
What I did yesterday
Okay, so yesterday after rehearsal, Thaddeus invited me to a friend's house.
All they did was watch movies on AMC... movies I wasn't interested in. I wasn't even sure I could see some of them.
Anyway, I just sat next to the television, so I couldn't see a thing. I didn't really want to. I was facing everyone else, because they were watching. And I was listening to the jokes they made. It was fun watching them watch TV, I guess, but not extremely fun. I felt so distant from them, I don't know why.
But yeah... Here's all the stuff I have to do today:
1. Update blog, facebook, and deviantart.
2. Mow the lawn.
3. shower.
4. clean room
5. mow the lawn at my neighbor's
6. pick up scrapbook mess/work on scrapbook
And Thaddeus might call today to hang out. he mentioned it earlier.
but yeah, I'd better go. Lot's to do.
All they did was watch movies on AMC... movies I wasn't interested in. I wasn't even sure I could see some of them.
Anyway, I just sat next to the television, so I couldn't see a thing. I didn't really want to. I was facing everyone else, because they were watching. And I was listening to the jokes they made. It was fun watching them watch TV, I guess, but not extremely fun. I felt so distant from them, I don't know why.
But yeah... Here's all the stuff I have to do today:
1. Update blog, facebook, and deviantart.
2. Mow the lawn.
3. shower.
4. clean room
5. mow the lawn at my neighbor's
6. pick up scrapbook mess/work on scrapbook
And Thaddeus might call today to hang out. he mentioned it earlier.
but yeah, I'd better go. Lot's to do.
Friday, July 11, 2008
A Cool Movie
I watched one of my dad's favorite movies yesterday. It was the only movie my dad ever wanted to watch twice. And I can see why. It's sort of doesn't make any real sense until the end, if you understand that.
It's called The Sixth Sense, which is a very silly title for this movie because they never really mention anything about a sixth sense. They only allude to a boy it, and really, there IS no supernatural sixth-sensy stuff in that movie. Just a whacked-up kid. But that's beside the point. It's still a good movie. I thought it would be scary and such, but really, it's just poignant. No real themes are in the movie (besides love for a spouse or talking to your mom) but the pure entertainment and mind-boggling intellect of the movie make it good. Not to mention that it's a classic. ("I see dead people.") I highly suggest watching it twice. Once for understanding, and twice for catching everything you missed.
And if you like that movie, you'll certainly like The Illusionist. This is one of my all-time favorite movies. It's historical fiction about a magician. It's a tale of unrequited love, tyranny, and mystery. This is another one of those movies you don't understand until the end, either. I had to watch it twice, as well. The whole point of the movie is to make things seem like "An Illusion." It's so cool. A twisted love story. Highly recommend. I think this is on my top movie list. 
Thursday, July 10, 2008
A Message to the World
This world needs an attitude adjustment.
There is nothing in this world that a person cannot handle without a proper attitude. I'm sick and tired of people complaining about the lots they have in their lives and not doing anything about it. I'm sick of people who don't show any sort of care or even tact toward others who they feel "do not deserve it." There is a serious lack of tolerance -- both towards their own lives and the lives of others -- in this world. This world needs to get over herself.
You are wondering what brought this on, aren't you? Well, yesterday I was with my Young Women's group and this one girl, who I'll call Mrs. Duct Tape, said something that just disturbed me. You see, there was this new girl in our group named Tara. She was a cute girl. Blonde, nice smile, and she smiled all the time. But when she talked, she sounded a little different. You coudn't quite understand what she said all the time. But she seemed so nice, and she didn't say anything mean at all.
But Mrs. Duct Tape, who's always been this high-and-mighty Queen of Everything, had something to say about Tara.
"I can't stand her!"
"What?" my leaders said.
"I just can't stand her!
"Why?" I asked.
"Have you HEARD her talk?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It is SO annoying! I can't stand her!"
One of my leaders said, "You just can't stand her voice, not necessesarily her."
"No, it's her. I swear, it's so annoying."
That girl has issues! It's just a stupid speech impediment, and she's making a HUGE deal about it!! I said right out loud, "You need an attitude adjustment." And she does. She cannot change Tara's voice; the only thing she can change is her attitude toward it. But she doesn't. Instead, she complains and insults and makes everyone else uncomfortable. I hate that so much. And it's all over the place. We are living in a world where everything seems to be handed to us on a silver platter. If we ever have to be uncomfortable at all, we make a big stink about it. We mope and complain and blame others and act like idiots. Wise people take what they are given and don't fuss about it. They make the most of it and smile at the blessings they receive from that experience. Live with what you've got. Sure, you can hope and work for more, but until you get more don't make other people suffer because of your discomfort. If you are poor, work to get more money. Don't assume that there will be someone to just GIVE you money. You need to earn it. Lean to work. And sacrifice a little bit! You can be uncomfortable for a little while!! If it means giving up your perfect world with big-screens, Ferraris, and people you deem "cool," so be it! Don't complain!!
EVERY PERSON IN THIS UNIVERSE HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE HIS OR HER ATTITUDE ABOUT ANYTHING! IT MAY TAKE EFFORT, BUT IT CAN BE DONE, AND IF WE DO THAT, THIS WHOLE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER, HAPPIER PLACE!!!!
There is nothing in this world that a person cannot handle without a proper attitude. I'm sick and tired of people complaining about the lots they have in their lives and not doing anything about it. I'm sick of people who don't show any sort of care or even tact toward others who they feel "do not deserve it." There is a serious lack of tolerance -- both towards their own lives and the lives of others -- in this world. This world needs to get over herself.
You are wondering what brought this on, aren't you? Well, yesterday I was with my Young Women's group and this one girl, who I'll call Mrs. Duct Tape, said something that just disturbed me. You see, there was this new girl in our group named Tara. She was a cute girl. Blonde, nice smile, and she smiled all the time. But when she talked, she sounded a little different. You coudn't quite understand what she said all the time. But she seemed so nice, and she didn't say anything mean at all.
But Mrs. Duct Tape, who's always been this high-and-mighty Queen of Everything, had something to say about Tara.
"I can't stand her!"
"What?" my leaders said.
"I just can't stand her!
"Why?" I asked.
"Have you HEARD her talk?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It is SO annoying! I can't stand her!"
One of my leaders said, "You just can't stand her voice, not necessesarily her."
"No, it's her. I swear, it's so annoying."
That girl has issues! It's just a stupid speech impediment, and she's making a HUGE deal about it!! I said right out loud, "You need an attitude adjustment." And she does. She cannot change Tara's voice; the only thing she can change is her attitude toward it. But she doesn't. Instead, she complains and insults and makes everyone else uncomfortable. I hate that so much. And it's all over the place. We are living in a world where everything seems to be handed to us on a silver platter. If we ever have to be uncomfortable at all, we make a big stink about it. We mope and complain and blame others and act like idiots. Wise people take what they are given and don't fuss about it. They make the most of it and smile at the blessings they receive from that experience. Live with what you've got. Sure, you can hope and work for more, but until you get more don't make other people suffer because of your discomfort. If you are poor, work to get more money. Don't assume that there will be someone to just GIVE you money. You need to earn it. Lean to work. And sacrifice a little bit! You can be uncomfortable for a little while!! If it means giving up your perfect world with big-screens, Ferraris, and people you deem "cool," so be it! Don't complain!!
EVERY PERSON IN THIS UNIVERSE HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE HIS OR HER ATTITUDE ABOUT ANYTHING! IT MAY TAKE EFFORT, BUT IT CAN BE DONE, AND IF WE DO THAT, THIS WHOLE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER, HAPPIER PLACE!!!!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Go to this site.
http://www.thelope.com/
Thunderchild already knows about it, but it's a great sight. I learned SO much, and it's just original and cool. Go there.
Thunderchild already knows about it, but it's a great sight. I learned SO much, and it's just original and cool. Go there.
Movies I would Like to See (Not in Any Particular Order)
1. Batman: the Dark Knight
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
3. Zoolander
4. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
5. Forrest Gump
6. Prince Caspian
7. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
8. Secret Window
9. The Grudge
Most of these movies I want to see because I've had people go, "Oh my gosh, you haven't seen that movie!? But you HAVE to!!" But others of those movies I just gotta see anyway (ex. The Dark Knight.) Anyway... That's my entry for today.
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
3. Zoolander
4. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
5. Forrest Gump
6. Prince Caspian
7. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
8. Secret Window
9. The Grudge
Most of these movies I want to see because I've had people go, "Oh my gosh, you haven't seen that movie!? But you HAVE to!!" But others of those movies I just gotta see anyway (ex. The Dark Knight.) Anyway... That's my entry for today.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Scrapbooks
I'm working intently on a scrapbook for prom, so I will not post much today.
I love creating stuff. Creating stuff you can hold in your hand. Shaping things, paying attention to detail, getting your hands messy with glue and ink and paint and glitter and random crap. I like touching something, making it yours. It's so much fun.
I got the Imogen Heap CD from the library. I already knew a lot of the songs on it, but I'm enjoying it immensely. Another thing I really like is making music that is specifically YOURS. With your own twists, turns, your own control. It's so cool. Imogen Heap does that. She's like a one-man band, playing all her music and doing a lot of it from her computer. She records herself on an apple computer, then plays it back, then records her claps over her own voice, then plays those back, then sings over her own voice and her claps. Plus she plays like three different keyboards in one song and one of them is a percussion synth. And she plays the harp and other stringlike instruments. It's SO COOL. My readers might really enjoy her, because she's got very unique music and because she is a brunette.
Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet...
Sinking, feeling...
Spin me 'round again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets..
A mess with people who stop to hold their heads heavy...
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years --
They were here first.
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears (hearts)
They were here first.
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, that you only meant well,
Well of course you did
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, that it's all for the best
Of course it is,
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, that it's just what we need
You decided this
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, what did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit.
(Hide and seek)
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
(Hide and seek)
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit.
(Hide and seek)
No, you don't care a bit.
(Hide and seek)
No, you don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
I love creating stuff. Creating stuff you can hold in your hand. Shaping things, paying attention to detail, getting your hands messy with glue and ink and paint and glitter and random crap. I like touching something, making it yours. It's so much fun.
I got the Imogen Heap CD from the library. I already knew a lot of the songs on it, but I'm enjoying it immensely. Another thing I really like is making music that is specifically YOURS. With your own twists, turns, your own control. It's so cool. Imogen Heap does that. She's like a one-man band, playing all her music and doing a lot of it from her computer. She records herself on an apple computer, then plays it back, then records her claps over her own voice, then plays those back, then sings over her own voice and her claps. Plus she plays like three different keyboards in one song and one of them is a percussion synth. And she plays the harp and other stringlike instruments. It's SO COOL. My readers might really enjoy her, because she's got very unique music and because she is a brunette.
Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet...
Sinking, feeling...
Spin me 'round again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets..
A mess with people who stop to hold their heads heavy...
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years --
They were here first.
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears (hearts)
They were here first.
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, that you only meant well,
Well of course you did
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, that it's all for the best
Of course it is,
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, that it's just what we need
You decided this
Mmm, whatcha say
Mmm, what did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit.
(Hide and seek)
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
(Hide and seek)
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit.
(Hide and seek)
No, you don't care a bit.
(Hide and seek)
No, you don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
Monday, July 7, 2008
I can't sleep. I slept all sunday evening until nine, didn't go to bed until midnight, and was up three hours later. now it's four o'clock in the morning and I'm wide awake. And hot. Why is it so freaking hot?!
So yeah, I decided to tap into my creative pipes once again and share with you a song I wrote earlier in the year. Yes, it's about Thaddeus and Redhead, but at this point, you know most of this stuff anyway and you might as well read it because it sounds good. I hope.
Enjoy my sadness...
Bite my tongue, hold my breath, close my eyes
As the two of you kiss goodbye
Clench my fists and pretend I can't see
That smile you give her that you never gave me.
I sit all alone and I try
To imagine your beautiful eyes
But that image of her keeps on stabbing the thoughts in my mind
(and I feel left behind)
You sing "Agony"
But you haven't the slightest idea what it means
To wake up each morning with tears on your cheeks
This is agony.
This is agony:
Far more painful than any you see on a stage
When it's one minute sadness, the next minute rage
Can death be as grave as this life that I gave up for you?
The life that I wasted on you?
I look back at all that you gave
All the times that we had, all the codes that I saved
I look back as I read them again,
Were there more to those words than just paper and pen?
I try to escape from the sting,
Try to let my emotions take wing
But you're every thought, every breath, every note that I sing
(you are everything)
You say, "Misery"
But still there you are, and my misery's worse
Every word that you say is a gift and a curse,
This is misery.
This is misery:
Reaching farther and farther for your open hand,
I keep begging your spirit to please understand
I keep calling, displaying, and silently praying, "Why me?"
Why did God make me love someone who cannot love me?
Every moment with you I try
To find some sort of love in your eyes
I try so hard that it hurts my insides,
but you're blind...
I'm angry, I'm scared and depressed.
I try sleeping, but I just can't rest
to you I'm this unwanted guest.
Second-Best
You sing "Agony"
But you haven't a clue of the madness and scars
Of being in love with a vain-hearted liar that you are
See my agony!
Seeing you two together, my heart starts to wilt,
and I wake up at night feeling nothing but guilt,
I think "I'd go through hell just to see this end well," then I see...
I'm already in hell because you don't love me.
See me.
Let me be more than a blur.
Please,
Love me the way you love her.
She.
You.
Me.
You'll never ever love me.
You'll never ever love me.
You'll never ever...
So yeah, I decided to tap into my creative pipes once again and share with you a song I wrote earlier in the year. Yes, it's about Thaddeus and Redhead, but at this point, you know most of this stuff anyway and you might as well read it because it sounds good. I hope.
Enjoy my sadness...
Bite my tongue, hold my breath, close my eyes
As the two of you kiss goodbye
Clench my fists and pretend I can't see
That smile you give her that you never gave me.
I sit all alone and I try
To imagine your beautiful eyes
But that image of her keeps on stabbing the thoughts in my mind
(and I feel left behind)
You sing "Agony"
But you haven't the slightest idea what it means
To wake up each morning with tears on your cheeks
This is agony.
This is agony:
Far more painful than any you see on a stage
When it's one minute sadness, the next minute rage
Can death be as grave as this life that I gave up for you?
The life that I wasted on you?
I look back at all that you gave
All the times that we had, all the codes that I saved
I look back as I read them again,
Were there more to those words than just paper and pen?
I try to escape from the sting,
Try to let my emotions take wing
But you're every thought, every breath, every note that I sing
(you are everything)
You say, "Misery"
But still there you are, and my misery's worse
Every word that you say is a gift and a curse,
This is misery.
This is misery:
Reaching farther and farther for your open hand,
I keep begging your spirit to please understand
I keep calling, displaying, and silently praying, "Why me?"
Why did God make me love someone who cannot love me?
Every moment with you I try
To find some sort of love in your eyes
I try so hard that it hurts my insides,
but you're blind...
I'm angry, I'm scared and depressed.
I try sleeping, but I just can't rest
to you I'm this unwanted guest.
Second-Best
You sing "Agony"
But you haven't a clue of the madness and scars
Of being in love with a vain-hearted liar that you are
See my agony!
Seeing you two together, my heart starts to wilt,
and I wake up at night feeling nothing but guilt,
I think "I'd go through hell just to see this end well," then I see...
I'm already in hell because you don't love me.
See me.
Let me be more than a blur.
Please,
Love me the way you love her.
She.
You.
Me.
You'll never ever love me.
You'll never ever love me.
You'll never ever...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Pocahontas has Met its Match...
Okay, so I saw another great Disney movie yesterday with my friend Ursula yesterday. For an early birthday present, she gave me this 3-D puzzle of the COOLEST BUILDING EVER BUILT: Notre Dame. I have had the grand opportunity to actually sing there and view its wonderfulness, so it holds a special place in my heart. So yeah, she got me the puzzle, and we put it together yesterday afternoon. As we were putting it together, we watched the second best -- possibly even the best -- Disney movie to go along with it: The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I have not seen this movie in years. What I remembered from it was that it was an insanely good movie... and it still was. The MUSIC is to DIE for. All the songs are so good! And it's so cool how they were able to put in some Catholic mass chants and bells amidst the happy Disney music. My favorite song is, of course, "Heaven's Light" because it's that Beauty-and-the-Beast song Quasi Modo sings about Ezmerelda. How he has never felt love and suddenly she popped into his life and made him so happy. This movie could bring me to tears on many occasions, but one of them is when Quasi's being laughed, tied, and mocked by the people of Paris, and Ezmerelda comes up and saves him. It's so terrible how they treat him. Just because he's different.
And how about the villain? Frolo is really evil... And he's evil in a different way. Most other Disney Villains KNOW what they're doing is evil and they work FOR evil. Frolo believes he is pure... he believes what he's doing is what God wants. That's scary isn't it? We see that today, as well. Self-righteous people who tell others what to do because they feel they have the power and control to do it. And there's those extreme activists who perform murder for the sake of religion. It's a scary idea, and Disney portrays this idea well.
Yep, I think this ties with Pocahontas as the best Disney Movie of all time!!!
So many times out there
I've watched a happy pair
Of lovers walking in the night...
They had a kind of glow about them.
It almost looked like Heaven's light.
I never thought I'd know
That warm and loving glow,
Though I might wish with all my might...
No face as hideous as my face
Was ever meant for Heaven's light.
Then suddenly an angel has smiled at me
And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright...
I dare to dream that she
Might even care for me
And as I ring these bells tonight,
My cold, dark tower seems so bright
I swear it must be Heaven's light.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
By the Way...
By the way, last night I dreamed about my ex-boyfriend. We broke up exactly a year ago...
Just thought I'd plug that in.
Just thought I'd plug that in.
Alright, an Eventful Fourth...
I saw "Get Smart" with Thaddeus and the Redhead yesterday.
It was funnishly uncomfortable.
I loved being with him. With her. With both of them. They're both EXTREMELY nice people, which is why they work well together, I think. Anyway, Thaddeus picked me up and we drove out and saw the movie. Afterwards we decided we could still catch some fireworks. So we went up to a parking ramp and looked out along the horizons of our town and watched about six displays at once. They were far away, but we heard them.
Then we decided the stars were awful pretty that night, so we went out to a feild by my old Junior High School and we just laid down and watched the stars. The big dipper was out that night. That was the only constellation I recognized... And I saw it first. That was probably my favorite part of the night.
Then we went to the Redhead's house. We were going to watch a movie, but we couldn't decide on one, so Thaddeus simply played the guitar and we talked and joked around a bit. Thaddeus is very ticklish. So am I, but they never cared to see if I was. They were so cute, it made me want to go jump out of a window. Not die, necessarily, but do something that would take my mind off of it. And it takes something as extreme like jumping out a window to get my mind off of things like this. Does that make me a weird person? I think lots of people feel that way, they just don't want to admit it...
I felt like the thumb in a mittened hand. While Thaddeus and Redhead were enjoying themselves together, I felt a little like I wasn't supposed to be there. But they did seem very hospitable. Redhead talked to me a lot.. we have a lot in common. That's one thing I hate. Whenever I do something, Thaddeus always says things like, "Redhead does that too." And I wish I could say, "WELL I'M NOT REDHEAD, SO QUIT COMPARING ME TO HER ALL THE TIME!!"
Look at this, this entry is beginning to sound like my diary. Excuse my rants. On to more important things:
Anyway, time now for your traditional helena movie review on "Get Smart." Highly recommend it. It's got enough action and suspense, but it's also absolutely hilarious! The actor who plays Max is so silly... But he's so serious as he's being silly, it's even more silly! And this was probably Anne Hathaway at her best as well. My only problem: We never find out Agent 99's real name, and that annoys me. We know Max is Max, but who's Agent 99? Anyway, there are also some slams at the president in the movie. They're not bad, but you know what they're trying to say. So that added some extra political humor that I think some of my readers might enjoy.
Speaking of readers, I'm wondering if I should share this blog with anyone else in my friendship circle. My only thing against it would be all the personal stuff I've shoved in here. Like the beginning of this entry. But, at the same time, it's not impossible to remove this personal stuff, and if my readership widens enough, those who don't know me personally will never know who the people of which I speak are. Even those within my social circle might have a tough time with some of them, although just about everyone knows who Thaddeus and Redhead are. I didn't give them those nicknames to prevent people I know from understanding who they are. The purpose of these nicknames is to make sure that if there are any creepers out there, THEY won't know exactly who they are. I'm rambling now.
It was funnishly uncomfortable.
I loved being with him. With her. With both of them. They're both EXTREMELY nice people, which is why they work well together, I think. Anyway, Thaddeus picked me up and we drove out and saw the movie. Afterwards we decided we could still catch some fireworks. So we went up to a parking ramp and looked out along the horizons of our town and watched about six displays at once. They were far away, but we heard them.
Then we decided the stars were awful pretty that night, so we went out to a feild by my old Junior High School and we just laid down and watched the stars. The big dipper was out that night. That was the only constellation I recognized... And I saw it first. That was probably my favorite part of the night.
Then we went to the Redhead's house. We were going to watch a movie, but we couldn't decide on one, so Thaddeus simply played the guitar and we talked and joked around a bit. Thaddeus is very ticklish. So am I, but they never cared to see if I was. They were so cute, it made me want to go jump out of a window. Not die, necessarily, but do something that would take my mind off of it. And it takes something as extreme like jumping out a window to get my mind off of things like this. Does that make me a weird person? I think lots of people feel that way, they just don't want to admit it...
I felt like the thumb in a mittened hand. While Thaddeus and Redhead were enjoying themselves together, I felt a little like I wasn't supposed to be there. But they did seem very hospitable. Redhead talked to me a lot.. we have a lot in common. That's one thing I hate. Whenever I do something, Thaddeus always says things like, "Redhead does that too." And I wish I could say, "WELL I'M NOT REDHEAD, SO QUIT COMPARING ME TO HER ALL THE TIME!!"
Look at this, this entry is beginning to sound like my diary. Excuse my rants. On to more important things:
Anyway, time now for your traditional helena movie review on "Get Smart." Highly recommend it. It's got enough action and suspense, but it's also absolutely hilarious! The actor who plays Max is so silly... But he's so serious as he's being silly, it's even more silly! And this was probably Anne Hathaway at her best as well. My only problem: We never find out Agent 99's real name, and that annoys me. We know Max is Max, but who's Agent 99? Anyway, there are also some slams at the president in the movie. They're not bad, but you know what they're trying to say. So that added some extra political humor that I think some of my readers might enjoy.
Speaking of readers, I'm wondering if I should share this blog with anyone else in my friendship circle. My only thing against it would be all the personal stuff I've shoved in here. Like the beginning of this entry. But, at the same time, it's not impossible to remove this personal stuff, and if my readership widens enough, those who don't know me personally will never know who the people of which I speak are. Even those within my social circle might have a tough time with some of them, although just about everyone knows who Thaddeus and Redhead are. I didn't give them those nicknames to prevent people I know from understanding who they are. The purpose of these nicknames is to make sure that if there are any creepers out there, THEY won't know exactly who they are. I'm rambling now.
Friday, July 4, 2008
A Nightmare...
Last night I had a nightmare. a Bona fide nightmare.
I was with my church group... we were all in our trek shirts, so I'm assuming that I was back on the trek I had last month. We were on trains, driving to several various church sites. But on our way to one, this giant robotic THING came out of nowhere and with him came all this fire and destruction. All the kids fell into a pit. The robot reached out his hand, stuck it into the pit, scooped up six or seven kids, and ATE THEM. I can still hear the crunching of their bones. He looked evil. He had big eyes... kind of like "The Iron Giant" except bigger and oranger and with fire coming from somewhere on his body. There was fire everywhere. Somehow I managed to not fall in the pit. So I tried to run and hide behind one of the burning train cares. But he saw me and reached out his hand and said "more." I was more scared than I had ever been in a dream. I bolted.
For some reason, the robot decided he was content to eat the kids in the pit. So I saw a whole bunch of my fellow churchgoing priests and laurels get chomped up and swallowed. Somehow I got the courage to come close to him and ask him, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"
He spoke in this deep, mechanical voice that ran through my body and eventually woke me up. "I was built to take care of this place... well, I was... hahaha!" Then he chomped up a whole bunch of kids again. I felt like I was going to be sick. Then he said, "You should have seen how my creator begged to not be destroyed. He said 'I own and maintain you! You can't eat me!' OWN AND MAINTAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Then he laughed this maniacal laugh that made his eyes get all flamy and red and psycho and then he dove into the pit and ate everyone. I woke up to the sound of this laugh. I was shaking all over. It was still early in the morning, but I was afraid to go back to sleep.
Eventually I did, though. Then I dreamed that I was driving over this bridge and I ended up crashing my car through a concrete barrier and jumping from the bride I was on to another bridge. My friends were in the car with me, and they told me I just did something not only dangerous, but illegal. So we left the car on the bridge next to the broken concrete and ran. We went under the bridge into the river that was under us, and there we waited and watched as other drivers on the bridge stopped and looked at my white camry that was just sitting on the bridge with no owner. We feared the police would come, so Elizabeth Rhinevault, who happened to be with us, decided to to something about it. She swam until she was directly beneath the parked car on the bridge, and she spoke in a chipmunky voice. She said that she was carrying a bunch of druggies in the car, and they fell out of the car, crashed the barrier, and fell into the river. She then asked those who were up by the vehicle -- namely Mrs. Graff, who happened to be passing by -- to stay until we got out of the river and back to the car. There was no damage on the car, so they assumed Elizabeth was telling the truth and so they stayed. We swam out of the river and back up to the car. Then I woke up again.
I've had some weird dreams. That robot dream still freaks me out.
Oh, it's the fourth of July. Happy fourth all!!
I was with my church group... we were all in our trek shirts, so I'm assuming that I was back on the trek I had last month. We were on trains, driving to several various church sites. But on our way to one, this giant robotic THING came out of nowhere and with him came all this fire and destruction. All the kids fell into a pit. The robot reached out his hand, stuck it into the pit, scooped up six or seven kids, and ATE THEM. I can still hear the crunching of their bones. He looked evil. He had big eyes... kind of like "The Iron Giant" except bigger and oranger and with fire coming from somewhere on his body. There was fire everywhere. Somehow I managed to not fall in the pit. So I tried to run and hide behind one of the burning train cares. But he saw me and reached out his hand and said "more." I was more scared than I had ever been in a dream. I bolted.
For some reason, the robot decided he was content to eat the kids in the pit. So I saw a whole bunch of my fellow churchgoing priests and laurels get chomped up and swallowed. Somehow I got the courage to come close to him and ask him, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"
He spoke in this deep, mechanical voice that ran through my body and eventually woke me up. "I was built to take care of this place... well, I was... hahaha!" Then he chomped up a whole bunch of kids again. I felt like I was going to be sick. Then he said, "You should have seen how my creator begged to not be destroyed. He said 'I own and maintain you! You can't eat me!' OWN AND MAINTAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Then he laughed this maniacal laugh that made his eyes get all flamy and red and psycho and then he dove into the pit and ate everyone. I woke up to the sound of this laugh. I was shaking all over. It was still early in the morning, but I was afraid to go back to sleep.
Eventually I did, though. Then I dreamed that I was driving over this bridge and I ended up crashing my car through a concrete barrier and jumping from the bride I was on to another bridge. My friends were in the car with me, and they told me I just did something not only dangerous, but illegal. So we left the car on the bridge next to the broken concrete and ran. We went under the bridge into the river that was under us, and there we waited and watched as other drivers on the bridge stopped and looked at my white camry that was just sitting on the bridge with no owner. We feared the police would come, so Elizabeth Rhinevault, who happened to be with us, decided to to something about it. She swam until she was directly beneath the parked car on the bridge, and she spoke in a chipmunky voice. She said that she was carrying a bunch of druggies in the car, and they fell out of the car, crashed the barrier, and fell into the river. She then asked those who were up by the vehicle -- namely Mrs. Graff, who happened to be passing by -- to stay until we got out of the river and back to the car. There was no damage on the car, so they assumed Elizabeth was telling the truth and so they stayed. We swam out of the river and back up to the car. Then I woke up again.
I've had some weird dreams. That robot dream still freaks me out.
Oh, it's the fourth of July. Happy fourth all!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
MCR
I woke up today thinking of leather... don't know why.
I have little news to share, so I'm thinking I just might go into a tangent about something... something I like.
I got it. I guess I never told you how uber happy I get when I listen to the band My Chemical Romance. It's such a great band. I remember, back in the day, when they were really emo and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Now they've changed into sort of a progressive/anthem rock with their new CD, The Black Parade and they've improved so much!! I can hardly listen to their old stuff anymore without comparing it to the new. The concept of The Black Parade is about a cancer patient, ready to die in a hospital at any moment. He looks back on his life and feels fear, anger, joy, regret at his passing. At the very end, he says he's not afraid to move on. I love this band...
Okay, you have been successfully bored out of your skull, haven't you? I just wanted something to talk about, and I hadn't mentioned the MCR picture on my sidebar, yet, so I just threw this in here. Isn't Gerard Way FABULOUS-looking?! I should say so!!!
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiving
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
I see you lying next to me
with words I thought I'd never speak
awake and unafraid
alseep or dead...
-- My Chemical Romance, Famous Last Words
I have little news to share, so I'm thinking I just might go into a tangent about something... something I like.
I got it. I guess I never told you how uber happy I get when I listen to the band My Chemical Romance. It's such a great band. I remember, back in the day, when they were really emo and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Now they've changed into sort of a progressive/anthem rock with their new CD, The Black Parade and they've improved so much!! I can hardly listen to their old stuff anymore without comparing it to the new. The concept of The Black Parade is about a cancer patient, ready to die in a hospital at any moment. He looks back on his life and feels fear, anger, joy, regret at his passing. At the very end, he says he's not afraid to move on. I love this band...
Okay, you have been successfully bored out of your skull, haven't you? I just wanted something to talk about, and I hadn't mentioned the MCR picture on my sidebar, yet, so I just threw this in here. Isn't Gerard Way FABULOUS-looking?! I should say so!!!
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiving
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
I see you lying next to me
with words I thought I'd never speak
awake and unafraid
alseep or dead...
-- My Chemical Romance, Famous Last Words
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
parental troubles...
Oh, by the way, my parents are telling me that I'm spending too much time on the computer, so they're telling me that if I don't shape up, I'll only be able to be on it for an hour each day. If my blog entries suddenly start getting really short, that would be why. I'm hoping to write most of these from around nine to ten, while my mom is working out and my dad is at work, but sometimes my sister is on here, checking her emails. So I'm trying to get up earlier so I can get done earlier so that it looks like I'm not wasting my day away. But I don't know. I'll keep you posted on my blogging strategies.
A Successful Dream
I had a dream last night! Finally!
It wasn't that great of a dream... I remember that me and a couple other people I know from school and church were playing these short soccer games. We all had different color t-shirts on. My team happened to be yellow, and this girl named Elizabeth was on my team. Apparently, we were worried about our performances in the games, because when these two other boys show up wearing yellow shirts, we get excited. They are the Athlete and one of his friends. Both play baseball in real life, so they were also wearing their baseball pants, cleats, socks, and hats. We knew that their athleticism would help us in the game. I never actually got to see them play, though. I remember playing myself... I would score quite a few goals, or assist in them. I really wondered why we were in such trouble. I felt like I was playing on an empty feild. There was even no goalie guarding the goal, half the time. I don't know what that was about.
Well, apparently after the games we ate refreshments provided by one of my church leaders who was there. Then she talked about how she had found these cardboard walls that she wished to keep over her bed, but they kept falling apart. So she was looking for a new bed cover. (???????)
Suddenly I was in my dad's old office, looking up and down the hallways for something. I haven't a clue what I was looking for, but there I was.
So yeah, that's my lame dream. I look back on it, and it's not as exciting as what I had hoped. Sorry I bored you, dear readers.
It wasn't that great of a dream... I remember that me and a couple other people I know from school and church were playing these short soccer games. We all had different color t-shirts on. My team happened to be yellow, and this girl named Elizabeth was on my team. Apparently, we were worried about our performances in the games, because when these two other boys show up wearing yellow shirts, we get excited. They are the Athlete and one of his friends. Both play baseball in real life, so they were also wearing their baseball pants, cleats, socks, and hats. We knew that their athleticism would help us in the game. I never actually got to see them play, though. I remember playing myself... I would score quite a few goals, or assist in them. I really wondered why we were in such trouble. I felt like I was playing on an empty feild. There was even no goalie guarding the goal, half the time. I don't know what that was about.
Well, apparently after the games we ate refreshments provided by one of my church leaders who was there. Then she talked about how she had found these cardboard walls that she wished to keep over her bed, but they kept falling apart. So she was looking for a new bed cover. (???????)
Suddenly I was in my dad's old office, looking up and down the hallways for something. I haven't a clue what I was looking for, but there I was.
So yeah, that's my lame dream. I look back on it, and it's not as exciting as what I had hoped. Sorry I bored you, dear readers.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Pissed off...
I'm a little... no, a lot... irritated right now. Maybe it's because of my lack of sleep, my frustration for not being in my school show, and my parents being annoying... but I'm irritated.
I don't have much more to say. Nothing I really WANT to say...
I really hope tomorrow will be better. Maybe I'll be able to sleep and read and sit and sulk and not do anything for once.
I don't have much more to say. Nothing I really WANT to say...
I really hope tomorrow will be better. Maybe I'll be able to sleep and read and sit and sulk and not do anything for once.
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